Some.

Sent 14-3-10:
Ah snap. Aw snap. (06:16)
Plís... allt fyrir þig, þú ert svo svöl. (06:22)
Hugsaði til þín í gær og ákvað að senda til þín tvö örljóð til að tjá tilfinningar mínar: Myndi hringja en er of hás til að tala. (20:06)

Sent 20-3-10:
I'm obsessed with you... You just seem so fascinating. Is that so wrong? (02:40)
Irma irma irma... Ég gæti sagt það endalaust. Þú ert allt það sem ég þarf og þrái. Svo skynsöm og skipulögð, en samt svo sniðug og viss um hvað þú vilt. (03:25)

It all seems pointless, so one-sided. I want nothing more than to stand firmly on one of those sides. All too often, I feel like the ancient mariner, "Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink." Beautiful, talented women surround me, and here I am worrying about their compatibility with my tastes in music and movies. What a waste.

But they're just so fascinating.

Want.

I don't feel whole without her.

What else is there to say? I mean, that's it, right? That's the final truth that discerns whether or not you're soft on her.

I want the birthmark on her right hand pressed to my lips. I want her wavy hair intertwined with mine. I want her bright, observant smile shining upon my deeds. I want her world to envelop mine, but still I do not know her... have I just created a much-too-perfect image of her in my mind's eye?

She is everything I want, and everything I cannot allow myself to have. I only wish her own opinions were more powerful.

Not.

I refuse.

I refuse to be in love; it's just so untrustworthy. So... uncouth, somehow. I'm always so tempted to find her hand... being drunk around her just makes it worse.

What is a boy to do? I never wanted it to go so, but she's just too lovely. She does not appear quite as agonized over this as I. A friend of mine once decried how women were always represented as the emotional side of one-way relationships in movies, and although I have since discovered that girls seem incapable of sex without emotional attachments, boys tend to overdramatize the simplest of events. It needn't even be sex. A kiss, a caress, even a look is all it takes... the boy has already started planning the entire relationship in his head.

He's a fool. Right? She's lovely, but I'm a fool for believing there's any kind of future in this.

She is so lovely, though.

Waste.

Another puny evening wasted in pursuit of some ridiculous goal. Three explanations are possible for my abject failure: first, she was teasing me. I've seen people do it, I guess. Second, she liked me at first, but grew tired of me as the night went on. Third, I misunderstood the whole thing, and she was there with her... her date, or whatever you want to call it.

It's so weird, that feeling of when you're out with your girlfriend and some guy starts hitting on her, and your first impulse is to get ashamed or embarrassed, instead of trying to make your presence known. It's tied to insecurity, but not in the way most people would think.

You see, most people would think that I'm insecure towards the guy. He's assertive, I'm not, he's confident, and I'm not, etc. But the truth is, is I'm insecure toward my date. What if she likes him better than me? Would it be chauvinistic of me to intervene? She can handle herself, can't she? And then there's that old truth, that the tighter you try to keep people, the harder they'll strain against you. Some weird tough-guy maxims start creeping into your head about 'looking like you don't care' and 'playing it cool'.

Fuck it. At least there's one thing about being in a relationship I don't miss.